This ain't no bank robbery

Late last week there was a break-in at International Brotherhood of Barajas world headquarters in Manhattan. All that was swiped was a lone computer. That computer, not coincidentally, stored the SBD (Super Barajas Database), as well as contact information for all involved in the underground struggle.

Early suspects include:

• Carlos Ruiz - currently competing with Barajas for playing time on Philadelphia Phillies
• Carlos Ruiz Zafón - Spanish novelist with possible ties to Carlos Ruiz as well as potential animosity towards Madrid Barajas Internatonal Airport
• Rififi - you thought he was dead, but no
• Gerald Laird - formerly displaced by Barajas as Texas Rangers starting catcher
• Phillie Phanatic - has been known to get overzealous with his pranks in the the past
• Larry Walker - certainly he must hold resentment now that Barajas is widely considered the best Canadian in baseball
• Brett Butler - the butler did it?
• Euskadi Ta Askatasuna of Basque Country - this would not be their first attack on the International Brotherhood of Barajas
• Wilford Chaffey - the younger brother of crafty lefty Oscar Chaffey is perhaps under the mistaken impression that Barajas was somehow responsible for the death of his brother during the Great Carnival Workers Revolt of 1981
• Whomever it is that has slain baby elephant Hansa - are the assassination and the robbery somehow related?
• Patricia Nixon Cox - daughter of U.S. President Richard M. Nixon, the similarities between the IBB break-in and Watergate are really quite staggering (though admittedly in this case no henchmen were apprehended)