Let's Get Ready To Rumble!

We're casual golf fans here at Barajas, and by "casual golf fans," I mean we know who are leading the majors at any given time. The British Open kicked off today at Carnoustie, sans Van de Velde, and everyone's favorite golfers teed off in the wee morning hours over here in the States. Woods, the defending champion, was paired with Paul Lawrie (who stole victory from Van de Velde) and Justin Rose, the one-time British phenomenon turned major disappointment turned respectable tour pro. At first check, Tiger was one back of the leader after 17. When that happens on the first day of the tournament, it's usually over.

Tiger Woods' Barajas number is 2. Both Woods and Barajas are in Charles Barkley's "Five."

Did You Know

A myriagon is a polygon with 10,000 sides. The Philadelphia Phillies are a baseball team with 10,000 losses.

In Zen Buddhism, the "10,000 Things" is a term meaning all of phenomenal reality. In Philadelphia, the 10,000 losses are all a phenomenal reality.

In Zoology, there are approximately 10,000 species of Birds. In Philadelphia, there are exactly 10,000 species of Phillies losses.

The U.S. Ten Thousand Dollar bill has a picture of Salmon P. Chase. To our knowledge he is not related to Chase C. Utley. Nor is he related to Pittsburgh Pirates' reliever Salomon Torres.


Salmon P. Chase's Barajas number is 5. In addition to being U.S. Treasury Secretary and Chief Justice of the United States, Chase lent his name to Chase Manhattan Bank. The JPMorgan Chase Open in Carson, California is a popular tournament on the WTA Tour. In 2004, the Spanish tandem of Conchita Martínez and Virginia Ruano Pascual were runners up in the doubles tournament to Nadia Petrova and Meghann Shaughn*ssy. Martínez and Pascual's trip to the tournament in Carson, California, originated in Madrid, Spain, with a flight out of Madrid Barajas International Airport. Madrid Barajas International Airport is directly connected to Rod Barajas through the International Brotherhood of Barajas.

Joakim. Ja'mon.

So rodbarajas.blogspot.com was walking up Eighth Avenue in New York City at around 5:30 yesterday when we happened across a crowd at the Westin hotel. It's the height of the tourist season, so we thought nothing of it until Yi Jianlan, all 6'11" of him, walked right in front of us onto a bus, and then we realized what was happening: the likely lottery picks were leaving some event and heading down to the Garden. We thought we had missed everyone else until a security guard yelled, "There's one more!" and who should step out but Joakim Simon Noah himself wearing, well, exactly what he was wearing last night (except the Bulls hat, obviously). After calling every basketball fan we knew and giggling, we went off to a softball game, only later realizing that we had just missed Oden and Durant (we'll live) and that Noah had been drafted by the Bulls, a big-league version of his incredible college team. Thanks for playing, LeBron. It was fun!

Joakim Noah's Barajas number is 1. Noah once had a mushrooms-induced hallucination that he led the Florida Gators to a third straight NCAA title with a team of himself at center, Taurean Green at the 1, Barajas at shooting guard, Billy Donovan at the three and Steffi Graf at power forward. Lucky the Leprechaun, of cereal fame, was the coach and joined the Orlando Magic following the game. Really.

Shiver Barajas' Timbers!

So the Barajas gang saw Pirates 3 last night (or if you prefer, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End), and guess what — we liked it! Most reviewers thought the film made no sense, but we thought it made perfect sense. After a season under Charlie Manuel, nothing is loopy to us any more! Brett Myers in the bullpen? Sure! Rod Barajas playing merely every other day? Why not? The loopiness of Jack Sparrow doesn't even begin to compare with that of an organization that trades Bobby Abreu to the frickin' Yankees for pennies on the dollar, or signs Antonia Alfonseca to pitch to real-live major league batters. And we're still only 3.5 games out of first. So on that note... Utz, man the lookout! Howard, rig the jib! Alright boys, bring me that horizon!

Jack Sparrow's Barajas number is 4. He was co-captain of the Black Pearl with Captain Barbossa, who is a distant cousin of Phoenix Suns guard Leandro Barbosa (the spelling was changed at the turn of the century in a freak transcription accident). Leandro Barbosa is teammates with two-time NBA MVP Steve Nash, who was on the Under-17 Canadian National baseball team with Barajas before turning his attention to hoops. Threw a nasty curve, that Nash.

I Ain't Mad At Cha

To all the fans of Barajas, from South Street to 1-2-5th:

I ain't mad at cha. Nothing personal in this little Barajas break. We just got thangz to do, like replace stolen computers, stick pins in Carlos Ruiz voodoo dolls, etc. Motherfucker went 3-for-4 the other day! (But we're still listed as the number one catcher on the Yahoo! depth chart. Holla.) The slowdown may continue, as ya boy's entourage is off to the East to do some serious scouting. We'll get at you when we get back. One.

Tupac's Barajas number is 3. Tupac had a guest starring role in the 1991 Fox show Drexell's Class — really — which co-starred Brittany Murphy. Murphy appeared in the atrocious film Summer Catch, which had the one redeeming feature of taking place in the Cape Cod League, and also featured (for some reason) former Phillies catcher Mike Lieberthal, playing himself, whom Barajas was signed to replace. This is far and away the best Barajas number ever.

This ain't no bank robbery

Late last week there was a break-in at International Brotherhood of Barajas world headquarters in Manhattan. All that was swiped was a lone computer. That computer, not coincidentally, stored the SBD (Super Barajas Database), as well as contact information for all involved in the underground struggle.

Early suspects include:

• Carlos Ruiz - currently competing with Barajas for playing time on Philadelphia Phillies
• Carlos Ruiz Zafón - Spanish novelist with possible ties to Carlos Ruiz as well as potential animosity towards Madrid Barajas Internatonal Airport
• Rififi - you thought he was dead, but no
• Gerald Laird - formerly displaced by Barajas as Texas Rangers starting catcher
• Phillie Phanatic - has been known to get overzealous with his pranks in the the past
• Larry Walker - certainly he must hold resentment now that Barajas is widely considered the best Canadian in baseball
• Brett Butler - the butler did it?
• Euskadi Ta Askatasuna of Basque Country - this would not be their first attack on the International Brotherhood of Barajas
• Wilford Chaffey - the younger brother of crafty lefty Oscar Chaffey is perhaps under the mistaken impression that Barajas was somehow responsible for the death of his brother during the Great Carnival Workers Revolt of 1981
• Whomever it is that has slain baby elephant Hansa - are the assassination and the robbery somehow related?
• Patricia Nixon Cox - daughter of U.S. President Richard M. Nixon, the similarities between the IBB break-in and Watergate are really quite staggering (though admittedly in this case no henchmen were apprehended)

Did You Know

Rod Barajas has been awarded the same number of Gold Gloves as Hall of Fame catchers Mickey Cochrane, Gabby Hartnett and Roy Campanella combined!













We will be the first to alert you know when Barajas pulls even with the legendary Kurt Manwaring.

TWIB: The Chi of J.T.

Ever noticed that José Mesa (aka Joe Table, aka J.T.) looks a lot like Chi McBride? Yeah, neither did we until we sat down to write This Week In Barajas. In case you were living under a table, Mesa brought his Barajas number down to 1 immediately following a dominant performance by your boy, who called nine innings of shutout, 11-K ball against the Royals. If Lieber can follow simple directions and be a star, thought J.T. so can I. Boston Public? The table will school your ass.

Other Barajas numbers unearthed:
1 - Chad Johnson
1 - Curtis Montague Schilling
2 - Justin Verlander
2.5 - Your mom
3 - Michael Cera
3 - Nick Markakakakakakis
3 - Tony Sop—
4 - Jason Bourne

Haiku of the Week:
Dear Jose Reyes,
Don't even think about it.
— R.R. Barajas

Word of the Week
"incommodious"

Things we learned
• Elephant herpes is real
• Barajas eats huevos con scrapple before every game.
• Sometimes he leaves the huevos and just eats the scrapple.
• Other times he leaves the scrapple and just eats the huevos.
• 20 other things

Video of Joe Pesci With His Head On Fire

Clark and Michael

If you're not watching the Clark and Michael web series, now's the time to do so. It co-stars Michael Cera of Arrested Development, who has perfect comic timing at the ripe age of 19. That or it's just his Canadian cadence — Canadiance? — you know, that endears him to Barajas so. They're both Ontario natives, but that's not the reason to watch: watch because it's funny, and certainly more entertaining than the NBA Finals. Maybe if the Raptors were in it Barajas would be amused.

Michael Cera's Barajas number is 3. He was on Arrested Development with Liza Minelli, whose version of New York, New York plays second fiddle to Frank Sinatra's at Yankees games. Sinatra's version of the song blared after game five of the 2001 World Series in honor of Barajas' record-tying home run in the D'Backs' losing effort. Barajas has also been called the Canadian Frank Sinatra.

Fantasy Baseball Talk

We'll trade you Nick Markakis and $5 in auction cash for Barajas. We're short on catchers and we need a quick fix. Deal?

According to Wikipedia, Markakis was born in New York, but later moved to Woodstock, Georgia with his family. His family was one of the first to move into Deer Run, a subdivision in Towne Lake. He has an older brother named Dennis and two younger brothers named Michael and Greg. Markakis is half Greek and half German.

Other fun facts: he has played with the Delmarva Shorebirds, has hit three home runs in one major league game, our dry cleaner's last name is Markakis and we're fairly sure Nick's Barajas number is 3.*

Pull that trigger, son! It's a beautiful day for a deal!

* Markakis - Corey Patterson - Jon Lieber - Barajas

Nononononono...

Justin Verlander
Would have given up four hits
To Rod Barajas

The Brewers can't hit
When Verlander's on the mound
Call ESPN

There is no doubt that
Verlander's a great name
For silly haikus

Justin Verlander's Barajas number is 2, just like everyone else on the 2007 Tigers 'cept the Gambler.

It's Partly Cloudy In Philadelphia

The New York Times has an article today about the Phillies, who will soon become the only professional sports franchise with 10,000 losses. The title? "Milestone Marks What Phillies Fans Already Knew." Thanks guys. Really. We're trying to keep the mood light over here. Way to pour fuel over the fire.

On the bright side, we know Barajas wants no part of this, so we plead with Charlie Manuel: put ya boy in the lineup every day once you get to 9,999, and let's put this mark off until the freaking Reds rack up 10 G's. (Take that, Griffey!) And if we fail? Fuck it. We're only four games back. The Mets are scurred. At least as long as Barajas is around.

Bourne to be Awesome

There's been a lot of summer movie talk, but almost none about The Bourne Ultimatum. Well, it's a slow Tuesday, so here's the trailer for the third installment of the spy series, which is heavily anticipated in these parts despite the fact that Barajas has always thought Matt Damon was kind of a Streisand (hey, he's rocking the shit in these movies). Director Paul Greengrass (The Bourne Supremacy, United 93) is the truth, it should be noted, and it is Barajas' humble opinion that Jason Bourne could take the Transformers any day using only some lightning and a squirt gun.

Jason Bourne's Barajas number is 4. He is played by Matt Damon, who wore a David Ortiz jersey on the David Letterman show last week. Ortiz took occasional 2007 Barajas battery-mate Tom Gordon deep in the eighth inning of game five the 2004 ALCS, which got your authors, uh, a little excited.

Do Not Adjust Your TV Set, Stop Believing

The Sopranos ended last night in a hail of Steve Perry. With Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" playing at a Jersey coffee-shop jukebox, Tony Soprano may or may not have met his maker; the world, as the Tootsie Pop owl tells us, will never know. The whole episode played something like This American Family: around every corner, there were little hints that the Sopranos weren't that different than you and I (and Barajas) in this star-spangled nation. The title of the episode? "Made in America." In the (anti-) climactic scene, Holsten's Restaurant was chock full of smiling families just like Tony's, ones that we hadn't learned about for six seasons but strapped on their smiles for a night out on the town; it was a conscious slice of truck stop and Main Street Americana in New Jersey. Presumably, they weren't about to get pumped full of lead Godfather-style, but who knows? We weren't in on their stories. We were in on Tony's, with his depressed son, beautiful daughter, materialistic and reality-denying wife and the weight he carried — read that any way you want — on his shoulders as the centerpoint of his universe.

The first line in The Godfather—the point of departure for everything Sopranos—is "I believe in America." Tony Soprano believes in America, as does his creator, David Chase. Chase's message last night was clear: believe whatever you want about Tony's fate, but don't stop believing about the place that made him possible.

Great take on the ending here.

Tony Soprano's Barajas number is 3. His consigliere was Silvio Dante, played by Steve Van Zandt, who was a member of Bruce Springsteen's E Street Band. Springsteen's Born on the Fourth of July was the first tape Rod Barajas ever owned.

A filly won the Belmont Stakes!

We know what you're thinking and, no, it wasn't Barajas. Though, like Chad Johnson, Barajas has defeated a horse in a foot race. It is a long and rather complicated selection from The Legend of Barajas that you couldn't possibly understand with your presently underdeveloped Barajas literacy. We do not wish to condescend, but it's a tale that is best saved for a later date. Trust us.

Chad Johnson's Barajas number is 1. He and Barajas have both defeated equines in a foot race.

Two-headed monster

Barajas and Lieber go the distance, fanning 11 in three-hit shutout.


Today Charlie Manuel made the grave error of sitting Barajas during this torrid stretch of his (two RBI in two games) and saw his team fall by a score of 17-5. You do not rest Barajas when he catches fire. If he's rolling you ride him for all 162. Trust in Barajas and he will reward you. Baseball 101.

Also, Joe Table is back with the Phillies! "It feels great [to finally be able to bring my Barajas number down to 1. I had considered retirement after being released by Detroit, but the thought of hanging 'em up with a Barajas number of 2 was, well, incommodious, to say the least]," Mesa said.

Au Hasard Balthazar

Sad news out of Seattle today, Hansa the elephant has died. Barajas and Hansa became fast friends when they met at Woodland Park Zoo in 2003. The two had been pen pals ever since, exchanging emails on a near nightly basis. Barajas was known to check in with the six year-old elephant on his Blackberry between innings. After yesterday's game against the Kansas City Royals Barajas dedicated his home run to his departed friend, saying, "Hansa was a real gamer. Some days she didn't feel like going out there and entertaining the fans, but each and every day she took the ball and she performed. She gave it her all. Now she's in a better place. The big cage in the sky. All the peanuts she could ever want. I'm sorry, I'm getting emotional. I can't... I'm sorry." Upon regaining his composure, Barajas announced his intentions to start a foundation, to be named the Hansa Foundation, in honor of the young elephant. The foundation's stated aim is to promote elephant herpes awareness. A fun run is planned for September.

Barajas has held an affinity for elephants since his youth. In June of 1981, he and his gang of barnstorming runaway child ballplayers rolled their wagon into Kuttawa, Kentucky. There, on the shores of Lake Barkley, they met up with the Reginald Webster's Lyon County Ragtime Circus & Carnival Bonanza. Webster was so taken by the young vagabonds that he signed them on for a fortnight to challenge the Lake Barkley Carnival Workers Union in an epic 27 game series (the LBCWU, which was formed in 1979 in the aftermath of the Great Carnival Workers Dispute of 1978, during which rival carnival workers in Kuttawa and neighboring Eddyville actively tried to sabotage the other's carnival rides, was established to quell tensions and ensure the safety of all carnival goers). The Carnival Workers Union proved to be worthy adversaries for the runaway ballplayers. It was a hard-fought, back and forth series with far too many turning points to recount at this time. In the twenty-seventh and deciding game, Barajas, who was behind the plate for all 26 previous games (as well as the 147 other contests the kids had played since hitting the road in Southern California in February) tore the roof off the big top. Quite literally, in fact, as his fourth inning mammoth blast tore a hole in the circus tent, causing it to collapse. The game was called and the Carnival Workers Union (who were intimately connected to a powerful gambling syndicate and had a great deal of money riding on their victory) began to riot. As the carnival workers were not only preoccupied with their baseball game, but now also rioting, there was no one around to restore order. Poor Reginald Webster made a futile attempt to calm the carnies, announcing through his blowhorn a generous offer to all union members that included a promise of free cotton candy and a lifetime pass to see the bearded lady. Also, before long the entire circus was up in flames. Barajas narrowly escaped death by leaping onto the back of a young elephant named Balthazar and riding him to safety. Many of his teammates, including the crafty lefty Oscar Chaffey, died that day.

But back to Hansa. When someone in Barajas' immediate circle is dealt a mysterious death our alarm sounds. It is far too early to suggest foul play, but in the coming weeks and months we hope to get to the bottom of this mystery.

23 Things You Shouldn't Know About Barajas

1. He wore custom-made B.A. Barajas pajamas until the age of nineteen.
2. When they became too worn he converted the threadbare pajamas into a pillowcase that accompanies him an all road trips to this day.
3. While at Cerritos Junior College he briefly studied metallurgy.
4. He halted his study of metallurgy soon after learning he was allergic to ferrous metals.
5. He will whoop your ass in Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?
6. Also Where in Time is Carmen Sandiego?.
7. And Yahtzee.
8. He auditioned for the role of A.C. Slater on NBC's hit series Saved by the Bell.
9. In the future he plans to audition for the role of Mario Lopez in the CBS hit mini-series, Mario Lopez: The Mario Lopez Story.
10. His favorite candy bar is Hershey's Skor.
11. He is the only known human whose favorite candy bar is Hershey's Skor.
12. "barajar" means "to shuffle" in Spanish.
13. When protecting home plate, he often employs the impenetrable Barajas Shuffle.
14. He once defeated Bob Hamlin in a David Eckstein eating contest, consuming an impressive half an Eckstein.
15. That's why David Eckstein is so small.
16. He is named after Rod Laver.
17. Not the tennis player, the tennis sneaker.
18. His "Five" consists of the Pope, the Phillie Phanatic, Sal Fasano, Hugo Chavez and Charles Barkley.
19. Early in his minor league career he became enchanted with a young poetess and nearly gave up the game of baseball for a bohemian lifestyle.
20. Sadly the poetess adorned herself in metal necklaces and bracelets, some of which contained small amounts of ferrous metals.
21. He eats huevos con scrapple before every game.
22. Sometimes he leaves the huevos and just eats the scrapple.
23. Other times he leaves the scrapple and just eats the huevos.

With the expection of numbers 8, 14 and 15 all of the above are 100% false. Or are they?

Barajas' Laws Of Baseball

"1. Do not shake off the catcher with one out remaining in a no-hitter"

Oh, Curt Schilling. You of all people, who spent one and a half seasons in the greater Phoenix area with our boy Barajas, don't know the Barajas laws? For shame. You came within one out of a no-hitter only to be foiled by your own hand. You're a military guy. Don't you remember what Jester said? You never, ever leave your wingman. Especially when it's 'Tek. Didn't Pedro learn this the hard way back in 2000, when he shook off J.V. only to give up a ninth-inning base hit to Tampa Bay's John Freakin' Flaherty in his own no-hit bid? Sigh. At least then we got one of the greatest sports quotes of all time:

"Whether I'm getting the breaks or not, there's no crying in baseball. Whoever wants to cry, let'm cry. They almost got no hit. They had nine innings to adjust to some of those pitches; only Flaherty did it. So... hang with it. Tell'm to swallow it."

You, Curt, haven't even updated your blog! In your defense, it was still a hell of a showing, and as much-needed as a team up 10 games in the standings can have a much-needed performance. Thank God for David Ortiz' first inning home run (the final score was 1-0). There's also that pesky little matter of Julio Lugo's throwing error, without which your perfect game would have been intact, and you never would have faced Shannon Stewart. Of course, not everything would have played out the same if Lugo makes the throw. That's what you tell yourself, right?

Curt Schilling's Barajas number is 1. He played with Rod Barajas on the 2000 and 2001 Arizona Diamondbacks.

Quiet Reflection

Barajas in spring
Has the on-base percentage
Three seventy six

Dear Jose Reyes,
Don't even think about it.
— R.R. Barajas

Will LeBron prevail,
And defeat the mighty Spurs?
Barajas says no.

T.W.I.B. Notes (This Week In Barajas)

A weekly recap of our Barajas-ing.

Barajas' Weekly Line
2-7, 3BB, 1R, 1 2B, 2K
(.286, .500!!, .429)
Phillies went 4-2, 1-1 in ya boy's starts

Barajas numbers unearthed
Madrid Barajas International Airport: 1
Gary Sheffield: 2
Carlos Zambrano: 2
Billy Donovan: 3
Dr. Jack Kevorkian: 3
Satchel Paige: 4
LeBron James: 6
MLB Draft: N/A

Facts Learned
• Price of a Rod Barajas Signed Ball on eBay: $29.99!
• Rod Barajas rolls thick with Starbucks, wad of cash (see above)!
• Rod Barajas sports a higher on base percentage in 2007 than super slugger Sammy Sosa!
• Rod Barajas has a higher career fielding percentage at first base than 10-time Gold Glove winner Keith Hernandez!
• Rod Barajas once defeated David Eckstein in a hot dog eating contest!
• Rod Barajas has more career stolen bases than Hall of Famer Hoyt Wilhelm!
• Rod Barajas is currently tied for the all-time lead in home runs during the month of November!
• And 23 other things!

23 Things You Should Know About Barajas

1. He was born on September 5, 1975, in Ontario, California. He shares a birthday with major leaguer Randy Choate and actress Rose McGowan.
2. His full name is Rodrigo Richard Barajas
3. Stands 6'2" and weighs 230 pounds
4. Wears jersey number 2
5. Is married, wife's name is Stacie (phillies.com)
6. Has one daughter, Aunalilia, and four sons, Andrew, Bryce, Rod Jr. and Jace (phillies.com)
7. Earned first team all-conference honors at Santa Fe Springs High School and repeated the honor at Cerritos Junior College, where he was also team MVP
8. He is owned in .1 percent of ESPN's fantasy baseball leagues
9. He will make $2.5 million this year, down from the $3.2 million he made last season
10. Has career earnings of $8.773,000
11. He is not Canadian, as we have joked
12. He made his major league debut on September 25, 1999. He recorded his first hit two days later in a 10-3 home win over the Colorado Rockies.
13. His "most similar batters" are Chris Widger and Jason LaRue (baseball-reference.com)
14. His career postseason batting average is .333, and his playoff slugging percentage is 1.000
15. Hit a career-high 21 home runs for the Texas Rangers in 2005
16. Has appeared at only catcher and first base throughout his career
17. Reneged on a deal with his hometown Toronto Blue Jays in November after switching agents. He now splits time in Philadelphia with Carlos Ruiz.
18. His next walk will be his 100th career free pass. Twelve have been intentional.
19. Has never competed in the Masters golf tournament, been nominated for an Oscar, or run for elected office
20. Had a perfect stolen base percentage in 2002
21. Has one career stolen base
22. Has two career grand slams; most recent was last May 26th against the Oakland A's
23. Is not related to Barry Bonds

Strangers in a Strange Land

When prominent figures in the baseball world start talking conspiracy theories you can be damn sure that we chroniclers of the Barajas Legend are all ears.

Easy to be critical of Gary Sheffield on this one. His words can easily be read as offensive and his ire seems to be wildly misplaced. The drop in black ballplayers is a multi faceted issue with causes ranging from a lack of park department funding for baseball fields in our urban centers, to the marketing genius of Pete Rozelle and David Stern. If Sheffield's conspiracy theory focuses most of its eye on the rising number of Latin ballplayers (we haven't been privy to the full interview) that would be silly. But it's fair to say that he's not all wrong with respect to the taking advantage of young Latin players angle--that angle, however, simply doesn't relate to the drop in interest in the game of baseball among black youth. Curiously, a number of his Latin teammates stand behind his remarks. Though, it is perhaps fair to suppose that in the name of clubhouse tranquility they would have ventured out on a even more precarious limb for their new DH. Or perhaps they are already well enough acquainted with him after these few months together to know that it's best to simply ignore Sheff entirely and move on.

But I think we're really losing focus of the larger issue here, people. Sure, Sheffield's comments were offensive to many, but the message at the heart of his words was not entirely off the mark. Of course the Latin players are controlled, but only insofar as all of the 750 players in Major League Baseball are controlled. Controlled, that is, by the mischievous Puppet Master Barajas.

Sheffield's Barajas number is 2. Once Kenny Rogers rejoins the Detroit Tigers from the 60-day DL he and Shefield will officially become teammates. Rogers and Barajas joined forces to play several rather effective games of soft toss for the 2005 Texas Rangers.

Did You Know

Rod Barajas sports a higher on base percentage in 2007 than super slugger Sammy Sosa!

MLB Draft Preview

The Major League Baseball draft is comprised of approximately 367 rounds, takes about three months to complete and only probably five percent of those drafted will ever sip the low-fat latte of The Show. Yummy. There have been superstars drafted at the top (Alex Rodriguez), in the late rounds as family favors (Mike Piazza), and busts from number one (Brien Taylor) to one thousand, but in the long, storied history of baseball there are two words that have never, EVER, been uttered at the MLB draft: Rod Barajas.

This year, the early rounds of the draft move from their previous location of "nowhere" — they were conducted via conference call — to the Wide World of Sports complex in Orlando, Fla., (Goofy!) where team representatives will smile and hope their franchise gets to pick the MLB version of Greg Oden or Kevin Durant (It appears to be David Price or Matt Wieters). This move is long overdue by MLB, even if no one really knows who's involved; the NFL Draft is ESPN's biggest program-filler event of the year, and despite the relatively low exposure of college baseball now, there's no reason the Boys at Bristol couldn't turn it into a freaking circus like it has everything else. Look at it this way: EA Sports has a college baseball video game (MVP Baseball kicked the bucket after 2005), which has got to count for something — they're the industry leader for sports games, and maybe they're helping to build a new brand to rival MLB with NCAA baseball. If it works, expect the 2007 one-day television event on ESPN2 to become a week-long clusterfuck in 10 years, with Trey Wingo telling you everything you didn't want to know about high school pitcher Doc Gooden IV's AP Chemistry scores or college standout Jason Varitek Jr.'s criminal record. Or the other way around, we're not picky.

On the bright side, it could lead more Americans to start playing baseball again.

We're not really qualified to tell you what's going on, so we'll take Deadspin's lead and hand it over to the boys at Rays Index, or you can check out the Baseball Prospectus coverage, but you'll need a subscription for most of that. We do know one thing: the rules don't allow it, but our first pick would be Rod Barajas — who signed with the D'Backs as a free agent in 1996 — just to get his name in the ledger. Try and stop us.

The MLB Draft doesn't deserve a Barajas number.

Leave The Airport Out Of It

Sad news from the Basque region of Spain today, as the Basque separatist group ETA has vowed to fight for the region's independence. We could hardly know less about the Basques than if we spent our formulative years on Mars, in a cave with our eyes shut and our fingers in our ears, so we won't say very much. (All we know is that the Basques like cod. And may have discovered North America. Seriously). But when we hear the word "Barajas" and "car bomb" in the same sentence — well, it doesn't make us happy. From the New York Times:

The group blamed the decision to end the truce on the government of José Luis Rodríguez Zapatero, accusing it of repression and of excluding ETA’s supporters from politics.

Mr. Zapatero broke off faltering negotiations aimed at ending 40 years of ETA violence in December, after the group planted a powerful car bomb at Madrid’s Barajas airport, killing two men. While the attack effectively ended the ceasefire, ETA continued to insist that the truce was still in place.

Can't we all just get along? R.B. will play with a heavy heart tonight. Jamie Moyer takes the hill for the Phils at Shea. We'll be back to more baseball this afternoon.

Madrid Barajas International Airport's Barajas number is 1. It is directly connected to Rod Barajas through the International Brotherhood of Barajas.

This Is Not What I Signed Up For

Hamels, fine; Lieber, fine; Alfonseca, maybe, but this? Please.

Barajahaha, They're Not Laughing In Orlando

So Billy Donovan wants to go back to the University of Florida—good for him. Nothing like screwing with three different fanbases in the same year (it's called the "Clemens"). First, it was the University of Kentucky, the Absolutely Oh My God Could This Be Any Better Perfect Job for him, but he turned that one down, because it would be too obvious. Then he left UF in limbo, and eventually left UF, to make the oft-repeated mistake of trying his hand at the pro ranks in Orlando. Now he wants back into Gainesville, but is at the mercy of Magic officials, who would need to release him from his contract.

(You know, the contract they never should have signed him to in the first place. Memo to the Magic front office: nobody cares where your coach comes from if the team is winning. The local-boy-does-good angle is an insult.)

But seriously, when are college coaches going to learn that they won't have it better in the NBA, or the NFL for that matter? Even in the trickiest situations, like rebuilding a championship team from scratch, as Donovan will have to do, can't hold a candle to dealing with Rasheed Wallace or Ron Artest for 10 minutes. Then imagine a whole season of that. The smartest college coaches (Coach K, Roy Williams, Lute Olsen, etc.) are wise enough to leverage their near-constant NBA offers into better pay packages; Donovan was on his way with the Orlando contract until he signed the stupid thing. Hey, he's still a superior college coach, so good for UF and I guess, good for him. Definitely good for Magic fans. Donovan will live this down soon enough, but it won't change the fact that it happened. Say what you want about Rod Barajas, but he would never do that.

Good luck with the three-peat. Does the NIT count?

Billy Donovan's Barajas number is 3. He was and will soon be the head coach at the University of Florida, whose mascot is Albert the Alligator, who attended prep school with the Phillie Phanatic, the Philadelphia Phillies' official mascot. Barajas and the Phanatic are on speaking terms for the 2007 season after a dustup in Spring Training.

Sorry, My Groin Is Exhausted

Before we recap the weekend, some enormous props to Deadspin, our favorite superfriendiferous sports site, for linking us up on Friday. Their Barajas number is officially "F Yeah." Now, onto the sports. It was a busy few days, with the Cavs making the NBA Finals for the first time with their game six victory over the Detroit Pistons; the Yankees took two out of three from the Red Sox, with A-Rod hitting the game-winning homer on Sunday; Lou Piniella and others went a little nuts; Billy Donovan can't make up his mind; apparently the hockey lockout is still over; Tony Kanaan brews up a win in Milwaukee, and Roger Clemens gets scratched from his Monday start with an "exhausted right groin." (Tee-hee). They'd be a lot happier in Boston right now if A-Rod had worked his way into one of those. (Debbie Clemens looks just like his type). Oh, Barajas had a walk yesterday in the Phils' win. Just sayin'.

Did You Know

Rod Barajas has a higher career fielding percentage at first base than 10-time Gold Glove winner Keith Hernandez!

Don't Look Back

Rod Barajas on Cole Hamels following yesterday's impressive outing:
"He's as good as anyone I've ever caught."

That is certainly high praise for young Cole. It was, after all, Barajas who caught Negro League legend Satchel Paige during an exhibition game when the catcher's barnstorming nine of runaway children passed through Kansas City, Missouri, in May of 1981. The team's young pitcher, a crafty lefty by the name of Oscar Chaffey, had flu-like symptoms on that day and Mr. Paige, 75 and still slingin' 'em, kindly offered the young vagabonds his services. He went five strong, striking out ten of the opposing local wainwrights union without allowing a run. Alas, the scoreless game was called due to a tornado warning. The wainwrights, so impressed with their young opponents' grit, presented them with a stunning new wagon. And so the itinerant young cubs rode eastward in grand style.

Paige's (official) Barajas number is 4. Paige pitched three innings for the 1965 Kansas City Athletics and was joined on that 103 loss roster by Blue Moon Odom, who pitched just one inning. Blue Moon was a teammate of Jerry Hairston Sr. on the 1976 Chicago White Sox. Hairston's son, Jerry Hairston Jr., played with Barajas on the 2006 Texas Rangers.

Fists of Fury

Yesterday Chicago Cubs battery mates Carlos Zambrano and Michael Barrett had a brief dugout scuffle after a frustrating top half of the fifth that saw the Atlanta Braves plate five runs. The altercation later spilled into the clubhouse and latest reports suggest that the 6-5, 250 lb Zambrano beat the snot out of Barrett, sending him to the hospital to receive six stitches on his kisser. My, how the Cubs are a woeful franchise.

Barajas has long been a vocal critic of pitcher-on-catcher violence. Not so much to protect fellow members of the tightly-nit catching fraternity, but rather to maintain the health of his own pitching staff. Barajas is a peaceful man, but when confronted with flying fists he will respond swiftly and decisively. More than a few minor league pitchers saw their careers derailed in the late 90s after allowing a dispute over the way Barajas called a game to boil over into fisticuffs. Unfortunately they were not so lucky to escape the scrap with a mere busted lip. Since that time word has spread about the previously unkown fact that in his teenage years Barajas was a successful amateur pugilist--a Golden Gloves favorite before turning to baseball full-time. The rumor that he bested current WBA and WBC cruiserweight champion Jean Marc "The Marksman" Mormeck in a street fight while on a student exchange trip in Paris, France, in autumn of 1991 cannot be verified at this time, but is likely true.

Zambrano and Barrett's Barajas number is 2. They were teammates with Tony Womack on the 2006 Chicago Cubs, Womack was the starting shortstop on the Barajas-led 2001 Arizona Diamondbacks.

Did You Know

Rod Barajas has more career stolen bases than Hall of Famer Hoyt Wilhelm!

Riding it out

After serving an eight-year prison term for second degree murder, Jack Kevorkian was released on Friday. While Doctor Death was riding home, Doctor Barajas was riding the pine as the Phillies fell to the San Francisco Giants by a score of 13-0. Barajas should be somewhat familiar with the travails of Kevorkian, having himself been a member of the vaunted Euthanasia Work-Study Program at Cerritos Junior College in Norwalk, California.

Kevorkian's Barajas number is 3. He was born is Pontiac, Michigan, which is also the hometown of Steve Howe, who was a teammate of Kenny Rogers' with the 1996 New York Yankees. Rogers and Barajas were battery mates on the 2004 Texas Rangers.

Did You Know

Rod Barajas is currently tied for the all-time lead in home runs during the month of November!

We Are All Witnesses

LeBron killed it last night. This shit's over. Okay, it's not over yet—Detroit came back from 3-2 to beat the Cavs last year—but the Pistons have been put on notice by the King. Fitting that LeBron's was being "guarded" by Tayshaun Prince for one of his three absolutely stunning drives to the basket in the two overtimes (two overtimes in which he scored every single Cavs point)—Bron-Bron has finally earned his crown, thank you very much. Kobe, are you watching? This is how it's done. Barajas was almost certainly watching—the Phillies had an off day. I'd like to think that at the final final buzzer, R.B. clicked off the T.V., reflected for a moment, stroked his chin a couple times, and thought to himself: "You know what? The kid's alright. I should send him a fruit basket."

LeBron's Barajas number is 6. He plays with Damon Jones, who played with Paul Pierce on the Boston Celtics in 1998-99. Pierce's current general manager is Danny Ainge, who was a teammate of Ken Macha's with the 1981 Toronto Blue Jays. Ken Macha managed Damian Miller with the Oakland A's in 2004. Damian Miller was the starting catcher for the 2001 Arizona Diamondbacks, and fell ill on the evening of November 1, forcing Barajas into the Game 5 starting lineup. Barajas hit a 5th inning homer off of Mike Mussina.

Did You Know

Rod Barajas has more career World Series home runs than baseball legends Ted Williams, Ernie Banks and Willie Mays combined!

T.W.I.B. Notes (This Week In Barajas)

Barajas made some headlines this week when, against the Florida Marlins, he let Hanley Ramirez slide underneath him during a four-run ninth inning, pushing the game to extra innings when it otherwise would have been over. R.B.: "It was a mess." Your boy took a lot of heat for the play, but the Phillies won, and the haters forgot the first rule of Barajas: Don't Hassle The 'Jas. Why not? Here's why not: the following night, Barajas went 2-for-3 with a two-bagger in the Phils' loss to the Fish. Wild out. He followed that up with a perfect 0-for-4 performance against the Braves, and made a quiet out as a pinch hitter Monday against the Snakes. Fun fact: Barajas and his .351 OBP caught snakes with his bare hands growing up in Ontario. Asps. For real.

Looks Like A-Rod Is In Some Trouble

Rod Barajas is a smart man; he waited until 2004 to join the Texas Rangers, the same year the Human Train Wreck known as Alex Rodriguez brought his dog-and-pony show to Central Park. Well, A-Rod is in some shit now: he's been caught going to a strip club with a "mystery blonde" up on R.B.'s native soil (That's right, Barajas rocks the Maple Leaf. What). That a professional baseball player has a "lady on the side" isn't all that surprising, nor is the fact that he goes to strip clubs, but when you've become the Symbol Of All That Is Wrong With The Yankees, as A-Rod has, there's some hell to pay. His wife was seen leaving their shared apartment with suitcases packed, lookin' for a better man. She might try looking behind the plate.

A-Rod's Barajas number is 2. He was traded for Alfonso Soriano, who played with Rod Barajas on the 2004 Texas Rangers.